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Journal of Enlightenment

THE JOURNAL OF enlightenment
Volume 2      SELF Foundation, Inc. Association     email: info@selffoundation.com     www.selffoundation.com

This issue is packed with lots of information about Enlightenment and Dyads.  You'll find Part One of a two part article  entitled, What is Enlightenment?  It is a companion article to the video entitled,  Enlightenment,  that I produced.   There is also information about the  The Relating Dyad Process that you'll find interesting and useful.  It is the first of several articles on the principles and practices of the dyad process that I'll publish.    And don't miss experiencing Joseph Rubano's enlightenment inspired poem entitled, Go To The Edges.  
with love   



Table of Contents
What is Enlightenment?
The Relating Dyad Process
The 3 Paths to Self Improvement
The 3 Main Purposes to Dyads
How To Do The Relating Dyad Process
Dyad Examples
Go To The Edges
Schedule of Enlightenment Intensives

by Yoah Wexler

This article is about Enlightenment and how to accelerate the enlightenment process.  It is a companion text to the video entitled, Enlightenment.   Part One clarifies what enlightenment is.  It defines the meaning of the word enlightenment and reveals what different people and traditions have said about the experience.  Part One appears below in this issue of the Journal of Enlightenment. 
Part Two will be published in the next volume of the Journal of Enlightenment.  It talks about the Enlightenment Intensive Retreat and describes the principles behind the acceleration of the enlightenment process. 

Accepting everything 
Expecting nothing 
Keep coming back to the present moment 
Where everything you've ever wished for 
is already present. 

Osha Reader 

  Part One:  What Is Enlightenment?

Have you ever looked up at a dark night sky sparkling bright with hundreds of millions of stars and wondered, “who am I and how did this all come about?   Have you ever been so shaken or burdened by a crises in your life that you couldn't help but wonder, “Is there a purpose and meaning to life.”    These enigmas often inspire or even drive one to contemplate on self enlightenment. 

In recent years the word enlightenment has increasingly been used to generally describe expanded or altered states of consciousness.  But what is it specifically describing?  And how do you know if you've experienced it. 

I've talked to many people about  what enlightenment is and found that it is not commonly understood.    Many  people have a mistaken or preconceived idea with regards to what it actually is.   But I've also discovered that there are  a growing number of individuals who know exactly what it is because of their own direct personal experiences. 

On a warm summer Saturday morning I visited an outdoor  cafe and spoke to several people sitting in the sunshine  enjoying breakfast.   I asked them what they thought enlightenment is. 

A young blonde women in her twenties giggled, shrugged her shoulders, shook her head back and forth and said smiling, “I never heard of that word.” 

A young man in his twenties, dressed in black, wearing a beret, thought a moment and confidently said, “I think its just awareness of self and the transitory nature of the universe.” 

A man in his early seventies, dressed in a tweed sports jacket and speaking with a British accent said, “Enlightenment is to shed light upon.... to lighten up one's mind.  It also refers to the time in European history around the 17th Century known as the Age of European Enlightenment.” 

Some people  simply looked up at me shaking their head and with a bewildered smile said,  “I don't know.” 

  Age of European Enlightenment

The dictionary says the word 'enlighten'  means to  '..to illuminate or...to see or comprehend the truth of something you want to know.......or....to free yourself from a state of ignorance, prejudice or superstition.'  It also says, ‘the Enlightenment’ refers to the period of European history that began  in the 13th Century and lasted through the 17th Century becoming known as  the Age of European Enlightenment. 

The Age of European Enlightenment brought about a renaissance of liberated thinking  that valued rational thought, social democracy, science, medicine and technological development.   It  brought Western Civilization out of the dark ages of  superstition, church dogma, authoritarian rule,  and sexual repression.   It gave birth to the Industrial Revolution and the Age of Materialism that continues to influence our world today. 

Rene Decarte, the French philosopher, author and scientist, born in 1596,  influenced   this renaissance of thinking through his essays and books.   He wrote what has become a well known phrase that embodies the sentiment of the European Enlightenment, “I think therefore I am,” 

Descarte’s ideas significantly influenced science, mathematics  and philosophy.   He is considered to be the father of  modern materialism.  This philosophy of materialism holds  that knowledge of oneself and one's world can come only through the use of reason, intellect and logic.    Materialists believe matter is the basis of all that exists and all that exists is matter.  In the 15th, 16th, and 17th Centuries this world views came to be called enlightened thinking. 

For the last several hundred years this materialistic world view became more influential and prevailed upon western civilization.  In the 20th Century  it has permeated throughout  the remaining  cultures of the world and has had a profound effect on every aspect of  daily life including politics, education, religion, agriculture, science, medicine, health and sex. 

This world view has produced wondrous discoveries, revealed many secrets of nature  and ushered  in a  renaissance of new ideas and rational thinking that has profoundly changed the face of the earth.  It's not only given birth  to material wealth and abundance, but to a growing number of disaffected individuals  troubled by the dramatic changes taken place in the way people relate to their environment and live their daily lives. 

Over the last century, social scientists, philosophers,  psychologists and  social commentators have observed and written extensively about  the dramatic changes born from the Age of Materialism and the Industrial Revolution. 

Prior to the Industrial Revolution  most people lived a rural agrarian life style in small towns and villages.  They were born, lived their lives and died in the same towns and villages.  They followed the same patterns of life as their parents and their grandparents.  They grew up in a social environment that was generally predicable and engendered  a sense of certainty in the way things  were and would be.  Life didn't change quickly and it usually moved along at the pace of a horse, an ox or person walking. 

But as the forces of materialism and the power of the Industrial Revolution grew more powerful, life began to rapidly change.  It began to change at such a dizzying pace that inspite of the great  material wealth  that the industrial revolution produced,   growing  numbers of  people began to feel as if they were living in a vast, mechanized impersonal world that they had no individual control over.   A  world that became increasingly obsessed  with chasing material power, controlling the destiny of others  and domination over nature. 

In the face of this social and technological hyper-change, more and more people began feeling lost and disconnected from their traditional ways of life and the natural world in which they were born.  Social unrest and mental illness began spreading with symptoms  characterized by excessive aggression, acts of violence,  obsessive rationality, compulsive obedience to authority, chronic anxiety and confusion as to the purpose of one's life and uncertainty as to who one is. 

The  fundamental existential questions, ‘Who am I?’ and ‘What is life?’  have always been a part of every culture and country throughout history.  Such questioning and questing is often a normal short term healing process brought about by a personal life crisis  such as personal illness, the death of a loved one, war and the life transitions such as  puberty or middle age. 

The few men and women who have taken up the quest for self knowledge as a more full time preoccupation were a very small minority who became the philosophers, healers and mentors of one's community. 

But as  these accelerating changes in the patterns of social life continued to disrupt the fabric of agrarian society,  the 20th Century saw greater  and greater numbers of people drawn  to reflecting on the meaning and purpose of  their life as a way to heal the spiritual emptiness and enigmas of modern life.  This  increasing preoccupation with self reflection opened the way to a new renaissance  of self discovery and enlightened thinking in the 20th Century. 

  Enlightenment and the 20th Century

Looking to the west  for answers to the enigmas of life  at the turn of the 20th Century people discovered the newly emerging science of psychology dominated at the time by Freudian psychoanalysis with its emphasis on pathology.      By the  mid 1960's,  Humanistic Psychology with its focus on well-being rather than on illness  became firmly established in western society.  In the popular mass culture it became known as ‘the human potential movement.’  It  viewed human beings as a whole organism, not merely a synthesis of its many parts.  The term ‘holistic’ grew from this approach of bringing together science, medicine, the arts, humanities and religion to help individuals  reach their full  human potential. 

Abraham Maslow, one of the founders of Humanistic  Psychology, had a passion for wanting to improve  the human condition after having been influenced by his observations that  marriage, friendship, parenthood and spiritual experiences were being replaced with increasing violence, alcoholism and spiritual emptiness after World War II.   Seeing that healthy and wholesome human experiences  were being devalued by modern society he became an articulate voice echoing the feelings of  millions of people with a spiritual yearning to  fulfill themselves. 

By the early 1970’s Transpersonal Psychology  was born.    It  emphasized a  personal experiential  exploration into the nature of consciousness  and  assumed that everyone had the capacity for self healing.  It views the ego or separate self as an illusion to be transcended.   In the popular culture it became known as  the ‘new age movement’  and embraced techniques from both the East and West in seeking answers to the problems of daily life. 

In the late 1800’s interest in the mysteries schools and philosophies of the East had begun to spread westward when India  became a colonial part of the British Commonwealth Empire.   English soldiers, diplomats and scholars such as Sir John Woodroofe  and W.Y. Evans Wentz  became interested in the country and began to expose the Eastern  teachings to the west in the many books that were written. 

As Westerners looked East toward India, China and Japan, they discovered the practices of yoga,  meditation and the  non materialistic philosophies  of Asia.   And with typical western enthusiasm they curiously visited  Eastern spiritual teachers and  invited them to teach and settle in the West. 

As the 19th Century came to a close, several Indian yogis and teachers of meditation were  invited to visit and teach  in the west.   In 1893, the World Parliament of Religions was held in Chicago.    An Indian teacher, Swami  Vivekananda, gave his first western lecture on yoga philosophy to a full auditorium.  He was sent to the conference by one of India’s greatest modern day holy men and mystics, Ramakrishna, whose many other Indian students subsequently made several visits to  America and Europe, establishing centers for teaching yoga philosophy in the west . 

The author of Autobiography of a Yogi,  Paramahansa Yogananda  first visited the West in 1920 after being sent to teach yoga by his guru.    He was very well received in  America and  subsequently founded the successful  Self Realization Fellowship with teaching centers in Southern California and throughout the United States. 

A continual stream of teachers from Asia were flowing into the west by the 1960’s.  Maharishi Mahesh Yogi became well known after teaching a simple and effective meditation technique to John Lennon and Paul McCartney of the Beatles fame.   In the 1960’s, another Indian guru, Swami Prabhupada,  brought shaved heads, orange robes and chanting of Krishna to the streets of the New York and London.    And Tibet’s leader in exile, the Dali Lama, along with scores  of other exiled teachers from Tibet brought the teachings of Tibetan  Buddhism  to the English speaking world. 

Westerners were open, enthusiastic and hungry for spiritual awakening.  Inspired to look within, they found  personal mysticism and revelation in addition to their already developed capacity for rationalism and reason. 

Westerners  purchased and read books on self development and spiritual growth.  They also wrote books themselves as their experiences unfolded.   Madame H.P. Blavatsky founder of the The Theosophical Society in 1875,  published many books.   Rudolf Steiner, a German educator and mystic wrote over 60 books stressing the wholeness of humanity.  He inspired the creation of over 100 Waldorf Schools world wide.   W.Y. Evans Wentz was the first westerner to bring the hidden secrets of Tibetan Yoga to the west in the 1940’s  when he translated and wrote what is now a classic, The Tibetan Book of the Dead. 

New words, ideas and techniques came  into the English  language that described a variety of meditative practices and states of consciousness as a result of  the influences  from reading spiritual books, attending courses on Eastern theories  of consciousness and traveling to  Asia. 

  The Word Enlightenment Begins To Change in The West
As a result of the Eastern spiritual influences, the meaning of the word Enlightenment  began to change  in the west.  At the opening of the 20th Century the word Enlightenment referred to the renaissance of thinking that was sweeping first through Europe then the West and later the world since the 17th and 18th Centuries.   It  meant to free yourself from ignorance and  superstition  through  the powers of intellect and  reason.   It meant to use rational thinking and  logic to uncover the truths of life. 

In the 21st Century,  the word enlightenment   continues to mean 'going beyond ignorance,'   however now,  it  also includes  going beyond the limitations of reason and logic by using the powers of meditation to reveal what  Zen Buddhists call  direct  knowing or direct experiencing of reality. 

Philip Kapleau, an American Buddhist,  began to use the word enlightenment to mean ‘direct experiencing of reality.’  He popularized this new  use of the word  in his   books  about   Zen  Buddhist meditation.    Kapleau translated the Japanese   word ‘satori  into the English word enlightenment. 

In his 1970’s book, Zen, Dawn in the West, Kapleau wrote that the Japanese word, ‘satori  means  enlightenment.  He said that  enlightenment was “awakening to the truth lying beyond all dualism and discrimination.  Far more than ecstasy, psychological or philosophical insight, satori is spiritual awakening that brings a fundamental transformation of personality........ and a wholly fresh vision of the world.”   Kapleau wrote that satori or enlightenment was the elevated state of self realization that  all zen meditators  seek.   Satori or enlightenment is also the state of consciousness that  practitioners of the Enlightenment Intensive retreat  set out to experience. 

People around the world point to the  enlightenment  experience and call it by many different names and in many different languages:  Satori or Kensho in Japanese, Samadhi or Moksha in Sanskrit, Enlightenment or Self Realization in English.   The enlightenment experience that a Japanese person has is the same enlightenment experience as a French, English,  or Indian person. 

Pointing At The Moon Is Not The Moon.

   The Zen masters  of Japan say that  "pointing at the moon is not the moon."   That is to say that the idea of enlightenment shouldn't be confused with the thing itself.  One uses language to point at the enlightenment experience but the act of pointing at it is not the enlightenment experience itself.  The enlightenment experience can't be described.  It is beyond words and defies description.   But it can be pointed at. 

The Englishman and theologian, Alan Watts was one of the first writers to popularize the subject of enlightenment and meditation in the west.  He wrote that  “to know what enlightenment is and especially what it’s not,  you have to directly experience it.  Reading, thinking or day dreaming about it is not enough.” 

Seng Tsen is credited with having written the first Chinese Zen poem on enlightenment.  He lived a simple life of meditation and spiritual discipline in  6th Century China.  In his poem,  Affirming Faith in Mind, he points his finger toward the enlightenment experience calling it ‘the Great Way’: 

The Great Way is not difficult 
for those who do not pick and choose. 

When preferences are cast aside 
the Way stands clear and undisguised. 

But even slight distinctions made 
set earth and heaven far apart. 

If you would clearly see the truth, 
discard opinions pro and con. 

To founder in dislike and like 
is nothing but the mind’s disease. 

And not to see the Way’s deep truth 
disturbs the minds essential peace.

The Buddha also described the enlightened state of consciousness when he said: 

In what is seen there should be just the seen; 
In what is heard there should be just the heard; 
In what is sensed, there should be just the sensing; 
In what is thought,  there should be just the thought. 

D.T. Suzuki, a 20th Century meditation scholar and author helped bring the term ‘enlightenment’ and ‘satori’ into mainstream public awareness  through his many books on Zen Buddhism in the 1950’s.  When asked how it felt to have attained  enlightenment he replied that it was, "just like ordinary everyday experience, except about two inches off the ground.” 

In the 11th Century, Han Shan, a meditation master wrote down what the enlightenment experience was like for him: 
"I took a walk.  Suddenly I stood still, filled with the realization that I had no body or mind.  All I could see was one great illuminating Whole, omnipresent, perfect, lucid and serene.  It was like an all embracing mirror from which the mountains and rivers of the earth were projected....I felt as clear and transparent as though my body and mind did not exist at all.” 

Zen Buddhist meditation masters  have poetically described satori or enlightenment as Opening the Minds Eye or  Awakening to our True Nature.   They say it is a direct pointing to the heart of one’s being,  to a state of awakening unmediated by words or ideas.  Enlightenment  is directly seeing into the nature of things  instead understanding through analysis and logic. 

The creator of  the Enlightenment Intensive retreat, Charles Berner,  echoes the words and sentiments of  past and present  experiencers of enlightenment:  “Enlightenment  is impossible to define and it can’t be done.  But we can take some words that point in the right direction and that have some value.  Enlightenment is the direct experience of the truth.    In the case of self-enlightenment, it is the direct  experience of the truth of you.  By  direct experience is meant,  by  no way or no via.    Not by seeing, thinking, believing, deciding, reasoning, feeling...... or not by any other way of.   Direct experience of the truth is enlightenment.   The experience takes place but there is no experiencing.  In the state of enlightenment there is no difference between that which one is enlightened on and the one who is enlightened.  It and them is the same.  There is no separation.” 

  A 1000 Different Descriptions of The Same Moon

If you ask 1000 people to describe their enlightenment experience you'd hear 1000 different descriptions all pointing to the same moon.  Enlightenment experiences can happen to anyone,  at any time and in any culture.  It is not  owned by any  religion or spiritual path.   And it often occurs in settings that are ordinary and secular. 

Yet in spite of the great and wide differences of culture, time or language, the  descriptions of the enlightenment experience has many common elements. 

1.  There is often a sense of  union or oneness. 
2.  The experience is always instantaneous and  sudden. 
3.  Obvious.  In fact so obvious that  you didn't  know that you already knew. 
4.  Ordinary. 
5.  Funny, very funny,  a cosmic joke with you as the punch line. 
6.  Timeless 
7.  Indescribable 
8.  Imbued with  a sense universal love. 

Jeff Love learned about the  enlightenment dyad process from Charles Berner and was a participant  at  one of the first Enlightenment Intensive retreats.  He began facilitating Enlightenment Intensive retreats in the early 1970's.   When I spoke with Jeff he said,   “Enlightenment is  direct and immediate.  The way it is classically described is that there is an at oneness.  There is no difference between the observer and the observed.  It is the same in that moment of experience.  It is self evident truth.  We can find it only by clearing the mind, the emotions, pre conceived ideas, beliefs and suddenly what is real here and now, comes into focus always in the present.  It is always surprising.” 

I spoke with Lawrence Noyes, an enlightenment master who learned the process from Charles Berner, the creator of the Enlightenment Intensive.  Lawrence told me about an enlightenment experience he had on his first Enlightenment Intensive.   He described it  as very surprising, unexpected and most obvious. 

“I was in a dyad and I directly experienced who I am.  It was like I stumbled onto it.  It was completely unexpected......... The whole thing took me by surprise.  And I had one of these experience that people often have....which is, I know what I've just experienced.   I just didn't know that I knew.  Its like the who that I experienced was the who that I've been my whole life.   I didn't experience a different who.  The who am I that I experienced is me.  The same me who I was as a kid.  It was me when I was as a teenager.   I am the me that I always thought I was.  I knew that I’d experienced IT....... I didn't really have an idea of what a direct experience was before that.  But when I hit  this I knew ‘that's IT.” 

Vina Hotich  participated in Enlightenment Intensive both in Germany and Australia.  She said,  “There is this absolute knowledge.  It isn't good or bad......or this way or that way.  There is no interpretation of it.  It is just so. Words can't describe it.  Enlightenment experiences are just so IT.  I had this firmness about it.  I know this.  It can't be described.” 

Kate Feeley expressed her enlightenment experiences by saying that “we are all little parts of this big conscious being.....that is beyond us.  For maybe a second, because that's all that my puny little body could handle, I got that who I am is God.  I am God, you are God....everybody is God.” 

David Granger, another participant of the enlightenment process described his enlightenment experience this way.  “Then BANG! it hit me. I became totally and wholly connected to the source.  I realized in an instant that it was ME giving myself all this love ..... I AM the source.  An unending source of unlimited love and energy.  Suddenly I burst into laughter.  I laid there with a big grin on  my face, realizing my true self . 

Enlightenment experiences have happened to different people, in different centuries and from different cultural and religious settings.   Yet they are all pointing at  the same  enlightenment experience.  Here is an enlightenment experience from St. Angela of Foligno who as an Italian nun that lived in the 12th Century.  She's was a Franciscan  mystic  who kept a diary of her spiritual experiences. 

One  time when I was at prayer and my spirit  was exalted.   God spoke to me with many gracious words full of love.  And when I looked,   I saw God.  The one who spoke with  me.   But if you want to know what I saw,  I couldn't tell you anything,  but that I beheld a fullness and a clearness,  and felt them within me so abundantly  that I can in no way describe it, or give any likeness of it.   For what I beheld was not corporal,  but as if in heaven.” 

Enlightenment, though it cannot  be described, can be pointed at.  And many have done so.  It is completeness.  It is satisfaction. 

You don't have to believe in anything or be a follower  of anyone to enter into the fullness of enlightenment.   It is the fullness of your very own self.  That fullness is the heart of your existence and you are its  source.  It is you.  If you have not tasted sweetness you don't know what sweetness really is.  To know the sweetness of Self, you have to taste it yourself. 

“God is none other than the Self. To see the Self is to see God; all else is but a vision of the mind. 
There is no moment when the Self is not. The Self is ever-present. 
You are always That." 
Ramana Maharshi, the ‘who am I’ guru of the 20th Century 


I am not ever going to forget 
Who I am. 
I am the sound of the bells 
And the wind that moves through them 
 I am the journey and the destination 
 I am the breath 
And the body that breathes it 
I am the foot and the earth that touches it 
I am the lover and the beloved 
I am the cat crying 
And the one who comforts it. 
Ageless, faceless, timeless, nameless, 
Unborn and undying, 
Constant yet ever-changing, 
I was before the earth began 
I will be after it is gone. 
 God willing, 
I am not ever going to forget 
Who I am. 

Osha Reader 

Click this link to find out more about the Enlightenment video

The Relating Dyad Process

A Dyad is a formal self improvement communication exercise for two people. 
Its purpose is to create understanding by increasing a persons ability to relate themselves to others. 
The word 'Dyad' comes from the Greek language.  It means the number 2 or a couple. 

In the information below you'll learn about:

  • The 3 Paths to Self Improvement 
  • The 3 Main Purposes to Dyads
  • How to do the Relating Dyad Process 
  • Dyad examples from Knowing Your Self
The 3 Paths to Self Improvement

1.  Education has been one of the main pathways to self improvement. 

Education is the communication or transferring of information and data.   It's a valid method of self improvement that's been reasonably successful to improve one's life to some degree.  It's been the predominant pathway for humankind since their brains began evolving the capacity to think and learn.  All culture and civilizations  around the world have devolved because of transferring information from one individual to another.  In Western civilization the zenith of education as a method of self improvement began with the Age of Enlightenment during the 16th and 17th Centuries in Europe and continues to this day.    Schools, universities, story telling, lectures, the arts, books, magazines  and more recently radio, television, video, the internet and the electronic media are many of the pathways used to educate or transfer information.  It's happening right now as you read this. 

Education helps people to improve their life, but it does have its limitations.  It occurs through a process. It's an indirect way of knowing that occurs through a via, for example the via of the body, the senses, the brain, the mind. 

2.  Understanding or clearing the pathway between yourself and others.

This is another self improvement method that helps people live better lives.    It is through understanding that people  improve their relationships; they become more cooperative, more open, less fearful and defensive as they become closer to one another.   Improving  understanding of oneself and others by increasing one's abilities to communicate is a very important self improvement activity.  It is a clearing process and removes the barriers that stand in the way of getting closer to  others.  This method also occurs through a process and is an indirect way of knowing oneself and others. 

3.  Enlightenment is a third method of self improvement. 

Enlightenment is direct knowing.  In the case of self enlightenment, it is the direct knowing of oneself.  It is not about collecting information or data from others as in an educational process. 

Self enlightenment is the condition of knowing directly, who you are.  It is not based upon education, or upon what others say or what you read or have heard.  It is a self evident fact that originates from your subjective knowingness and needs no outside validation.  One who is self enlightened acts with a complete conviction coming from their own source of being.

The Three Main Purposes of Dyads

1. Education 
2. Ability Improvement 
3. Enlightenment 

1.   Education is one of the main purposes for which dyads can be used. They give one some experiential learning experiences of what has been taught in theory.  For example if you heard a lecture on communication, a dyad following that lecture would give you the opportunity to explore the subject and practice the principles of communication 

2.    Improving  one's ability to live life is another main purpose for the use of the dyad exercises.  Dyads do this by clearing the barriers between you and what stands in the way of what you want to achieve.    Dyads are used to improve abilities in the realm of one's body,  mind, physical environment and your relationship to others. 

3.   Enlightenment or awakening to direct knowing is another main way that dyads are used.  The Enlightenment Intensive Retreat uses the dyad exercise (i.e., Tell me who you are; Tell me what you are; Tell me what another is; Tell me what life is) to facilitate direct experience of the absolute truth of Self, Others and Life.   A direct experience expands one's consciousness and increases one's ability to live an empowered life.  Direct experiences are always empowering.

How to do the Relating Dyad Communication Process

1.   The Relating Dyad Communication Process is a formal self improvement communication exercise for two people. Its purpose is to create understanding by increasing a persons ability to relate themselves to others.  The word 'Dyad' comes from the Greek language.  It means the number 2 or a couple. 

2.   Relating Dyad Communication Exercises are divided into self improvement programs.  There are several relating dyad self improvement programs dealing with a variety of issues:  Couples Relating; Self Awareness; Problem Solutions; Addiction & Recovery; Ethics & Values, etc. 

Each program is made up of a series of communication exercises. 

3.   The Relating Dyad Communication Exercise begins as you and your partner sit facing each other.  You both sit on chairs or on the floor and sit at the same eye level a distance apart that's comfortable for both of you. 

4.   Each of you decide which particular dyad exercise you each want to focus on and who will be the first listening/receptive partner and who will be the first contemplating/communicating/active partner. 

6.   The listening partner then gives the active partner the dyad exercise instruction that the active partner decided to work on. 

7.  After receiving the dyad instruction, the active partner is to follow the instruction.  The responses should be specific and about oneself. 

8.  A dyad exercise is 40 minutes long.  It is divided into eight x 5 minute periods. 

9.  Each person takes a 5 minute turn at being the active/contemplating/communicating partner while the other person is a receptive/listening partner.  Every 5 minutes a bell rings and the partners exchange roles roles. 

10. The active/communicating partner takes the entire 5 minute period to self reflect and communicate what comes up as a result of contemplating on the dyad exercise. 

11. As the active partner who contemplates and communicates you do not have to continuously speak during your 5 minute turn.  Relax into the contemplation.  Relax into your self.  Stay open to what you become conscious of as you contemplate in silence. 

12.  Some relating dyad exercises have only one part. Give that instruction once at the beginning of the 5 minute cycle only. 
For Example: 

Tell me who you are. 
Some dyad exercises have multiple instructions; an 'a' part, 'b' part and 'c' part. 
For example: 
a.  Tell me something you like about me. 
b.  Tell me something you think we agree on. 
c.  Tell me something about yourself you think I should know.

After the active partner finishes their communication on the 'a' part, give the 'b' part of the instruction and keep cycling through the parts in any given 5 minute cycle. 

13. At the end of the five minute period the listening partner gives a brief acknowledgment to their partner, saying, "I got it" or "Thank you." Also acknowledge the speaking partner at the end of each sub cycle, i.e., 'a' part, 'b' part, etc. 

15.  At the end of 5 minutes or when the bell sounds if you are using a 'gong timer' the  partners  exchange  roles. 

16.  The receptive/listening partner is to look at, listen to and try to understand the active/communicating partner as well as he or she can.  The listening partner says nothing, but remains focused on their partner without any evaluating or distracting smiles, nods or comments. 

17.  A dyad exercise instruction is not a question. There is no question mark at the end of the sentence of a relating dyad communication exercise.  It is an instruction from the listening partner telling the active or communicating partner to do something.  For example:  "Tell me what love is." 

18.  There are no right or wrong answers.  The relating dyad communication exercise is not about answers. It is about following an instruction and doing it to the best of your ability.

Dyads Examples from Knowing Your Self

Knowing Your Self  is a book of over 100 self awareness dyads 
plus an  audio cd (track 1) how to do dyads; (track 2)  a gong timer. 
email: info@selffoundation.com

Tell me what love is. 

a.   Tell me how you want to be loved. 
b.   Tell me how you want to love others. 

Tell me what sex is. 

Tell me what a family is. 

a.   Tell me a goal you have for life. 
b.   Tell me a goal you have for our relationship. 

Tell me what communication is. 

Tell me something about yourself with regard to  ___________? ___________ that you think I should know. 
 (Fill in the blank with any issue you and your partner want to work on.) 

a.   Tell me in what way you've tried to force (God / Love / Truth) to be different? 
b.   Tell me in what way you've tried to resist the way (God / Love / Truth)  is? 
(Choose God, Truth or Love and use this choice  for the entire exercise.) 

a.   Tell me something you have done to another that was not best in your own estimation. 
b.   Tell me something you have done that is similar to that. 

Tell me about your relationship with _________________. (fill in the person's name). 

Tell me about your relationship with women. 

Tell me about your relationship with men. 

Tell me about you confusing pity with love.


by Joseph Rubano 

There is a Self you can find by going inside. 
But don't go only there. 
Go to the edges, stretch it thin like the skin of a drum. 
Give up making only dull thuds 
Give yourself up to singing. 

Go to the edges 
thin like the strings of a lute 
where whatever you know 
begins to vibrate 
begins to dissolve into laughter -- 
 crazy and bizarre, mindless laughter 
begins to dissolve into fears and tears at the edges 

there is a wild witch waiting to be released 
waiting to twist the crooked finger of your being into shape. 
There is a lover who yearns to burn to the edge 
where the sweet juices rise 
and eyes blossom into light. 
Click this link to find out more about Joseph's audio cd and book of poetry